Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
