The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
