As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
