tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
