Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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