She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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