wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
