Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
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