I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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