i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
