Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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