found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
