you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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