Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
we're so committed to being not committed
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
