just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
