oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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