Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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