he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
