also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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