what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
