I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
