You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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