At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
