dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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