i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
