That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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