Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
