my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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