I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
