Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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