Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
