you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
