Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
