At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
