he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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