After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
