ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
