a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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