Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
