I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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