My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
