if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
