OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
