hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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