They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
