Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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