yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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