So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
