The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
