Already got asked if we're dating
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
