i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So much rum. So many feels.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
