before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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