What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
