Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
