this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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