I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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