at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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