you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
