Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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