There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
