Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
