i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
